59 degrees, 58 degrees, 57 degrees....that's the temperature in my house as the morning goes on.  It's very possible the pilot light has gone out.  Now I've watched my husband many times re light a pilot light, but unfortunately I am not confident enough to do it.  Of course, he is out of town working, therefore, I will need to call on a friend to help me out.  The warmer side of this situation is there is an electric heater in the bathroom downstairs for the girls to keep warm while getting ready for school and the best way to warm up a home is to bake!  So it looks like we'll be eating cookies for breakfast.  Funny this experience happens the morning after I  have decided I need more passion in my life.  Passion brings warmth (in so many ways).  The passion of enjoying the morning with my kids by baking cookies and eating them for breakfast.  The passion of trying to keep my nose warm by giggling and exercising with my toddler.  The need for passion came to me when I started thinking of not wanting to look back and always wonder what could of been, what I'm missing, why, why, why.  Instead, I need to have passion for the present and passion for the future.  I see my children fearful of getting excited about seeing family and friends, about receiving gifts in the mail, about having the time of their life.  They fear because it's not consistent, they fear because that consistency has been removed, they fear because I fear.  I cannot change others, I cannot change the past, I can change my passion for life now and how I respond to the situations and circumstances we find ourselves in together.  (I just realized the word passion may bring ads on my page that are not encouraged by me, I will try and block them but if I don't, please forgive me).  So today, I will not be afraid to have fullness, I will not be afraid to show irresponsibility in efforts to show joy, I will not be afraid to look at my children and know every smile, every word, every action is forming their very being.  I will use this information to form children of love, not rules, form children of compassion, not selfishness, and in effect, I will be more loving, compassionate and hopefully able to see the things that are important and let the others take care of themselves.  I need to change my model of reference for starters.  Who do you look to for model of reference in your life?  Are they the ones you don't want to be like?  Are they the ones you wish you were like? Are they the ones that you covet their lifestyle?  I have changed my model of reference and I will not look to the universe as the universe is way to unpredictable. I will not look to the church as the church is only a building with people just like me, looking for passion. I will not look to my family as my family is looking to me.  Where do I find passion?  My very inner being reveals this answer so I go to the creator of my being.  Tried and true, waiting for me to ask for the passion that was already planned for me.  I guess I just needed a little bit of cold weather to direct my path to the warmth of passion.